By Supreme_Overlord
Courier Staff Reporter
James Logan High School is no stranger to mystery, scandal, and epidemic. On Tuesday, May 26th, a large portion of the senior class was absent from school. The cause of this sudden and unexpected event has yet to be confirmed, although many have speculated as to different reasons for the mass absence. Many absentees called in sick, leading some to believe that there was a widespread illness among the seniors. Several suspicious teachers believed those absent were participating in some ritualistic, social rite of passage that has been coined “Senior Ditch Day”. Innocent, unaffiliated bystander and Logan dropout Kumpleet Bee-Ess, for some unknown reason, commented, “Of course they weren’t ditching! Senior Ditch Day is a myth that the illuminati spread to give teachers a cover up for when they unleashed their artificially created virus onto the senior class.” As a Courier correspondent, I am choosing to wholeheartedly believe Bee-Ess and his speculations.
Here’s what some seniors did on Tuesday to get their minds off of the illness:
An anonymous student said, “I dmed my bestie to tell her I was sick, and SHE WAS SICK TOO, so we decided to go to Great America to cheer ourselves up. ASB was offering discounted tickets for some reason so that was just an added bonus on our road to recovery.”
“I went to Berkeley to do some hipster stuff and wound up in a smoke shop where the owner told me he had a cure for the senior epidemic, so I’ve been smoking it regularly since then.” – an student who simply identified as “Jer.”
“I quarantined myself and will not be leaving the confines of my house until the first semester of college starts and I’ve gotten the CDC to sanitize my surroundings.”- submission sent through email.
(Note: this is satire.)