By Zackary Nichols
Courier Staff Editor 
Zoolander 2, a sequel of the classic 2001 film Zoolander, is a satirical comedy film starring Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Will Ferrell, and Penelope Cruz. A satire on the fashion industry, the movie was released on February 12th to extremely negative reviews and bombed at the box office.
Set fourteen years after the events of the first Zoolander movie, things haven’t turned out well for Derek Zoolander (Stiller). His wife was killed when the “Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can’t Read Good” collapsed due to faulty construction. Being an idiot, he couldn’t care for his child, Derek Zoolander Jr, and he was placed into foster care. With his wife dead and his child gone, Zoolander abandoned his life of fashion and went to live alone in the wilderness as, in his words, “a hermit crab.”
Zoolander’s old partner, Hansel (Wilson), has also given up on modeling, living in the middle of what appears to be the Sahara Desert with a large group of lovers. It’s revealed that the entire orgy is pregnant, even the men, and that Hansel is the father. Struggling with commitment issues, Hansel runs out of the house.
Both men receive invitations to attend a high profile fashion show. Zoolander decides to go in order to prove that he is mature enough to support his son. After Zoolander and Hansel reunite, the two are tracked down by Valentina Valencia (Cruz), fashion police, who wants help to uncover the person behind the killings of all of the world’s beautiful people.
The movie was horrible. As I sat through the movie, I felt the overwhelming urge to go to the restroom and never come back, but I sat through it.
To the movie’s credit, it did have some funny moments. Justin Bieber’s long and graphic death, as well as Neil Degrasse Tyson’s cameo made me chuckle. The funniest scenes were those revolving around Hansel’s orgy and his extremely random assortment of lovers, including an elf woman, sumo wrestlers, elderly people, a goat, and Kiefer Sutherland.
This was the first movie in which I disliked Will Ferrell’s character. Ferrell, as well as every single other main character, seemed to be speaking in the exact same tone of voice throughout the entire movie.
The movie was one of the most boring movies that I’ve ever seen. The number of cliches in this film is only outnumbered by the sheer amount celebrity cameos that were obviously just thrown in an attempt to save this trainwreck. The movie’s jokes were, for the most part, unfunny and simply try way too hard.
I cannot recommend this movie to anybody. The movies’ only saving graces are that you will be able to see Neil Degrasse Tyson curse, Kiefer Sutherland pregnant, and Penelope Cruz in a bikini.
