Whether it is your friend telling you how it doesn’t matter that you got rejected when they’re the ones in a relationship, or your grandpa making a racist joke, but excusing it with the fact that “things were different back then,” or the public disregarding the fact that in our current president’s previous term, he made over 30,000 misleading claims, it is important to recognize that by using the phrase, “It’s not that deep,” we are diluting the importance of many different ideas. As Sigmund Freud’s 21st defense mechanism states, “Minimization is the act of downplaying the significance or impact of one’s thoughts, feelings, or actions to avoid dealing with them.” While the phrase, “It’s not that deep,” is a good escape for facing our true feelings, it prevents us from facing the reality that maybe it is that deep. et’s dive deeper by first getting to the bottom of why we avoid addressing the concentrated truth. Next, exploring the hurt that comes from it. Until finally, getting some solutions that allow us to discover the treasure at the bottom.
The phrase, “it’s not that deep,” starts invalidating serious topics about race, sex, abuse, the list goes on. These insensitive responses reinforce stigmas in our society. In fact, “Research by the American Psychological Association highlights that downplaying the seriousness of harassment can contribute to a culture where victims feel they should not report incidents.” The offhand responses invalidate victims to the point where they feel that their story does not matter. This enforces the idea of “rape culture,” where we have normalized assault due to our attitude and responses toward it. It prevents victims from seeking help, from the fear of being dismissed. It creates a stigma around the concept of asking for support, especially when the person’s struggle is not vividly apparent. The same can be applied to people with hidden disabilities who often face skepticism. They are often accused of faking their condition. Because if they cannot see it, it must not be that serious. However, according to the CDC, “10% of 61 million Americans identify with an invisible disability.” The mindset that people have to hide their own disabilities that are already hidden makes it even more detrimental as it hinders their willingness to seek support.
So, the next time you hear someone use the phrase, “It’s not that deep,” to invalidate someone, call them out! According to the Western Reserve, “The best solution to this problem is to simply call out misuses of the phrase as they happen. If someone is purposefully trying to convince you that your circumstances do not warrant distress or discomfort, draw a boundary.” Sometimes, people need a reminder that we are all humans, we all feel, and all our feelings are valid.
